My name is Tony. I have been meeting with couples for over 20 years and been married for 17.
At the outset, I want to recognize that relationships are not easy. Communication can break down. Infidelity can destroy trust. Even happy life transitions can upset the good patterns we work hard to form. While relationships can be a profound source of companionship, during rough patches, we can feel unseen, unheard, and lonely; even our partner’s presence can become a source of irritation. Even been there?
The good news is that you do not need to walk this road by yourself. There is hope. The truth is no one steps into a relationship or marriage with all the tools one needs to thrive. Most of us need help along the way.
And this is where I come in. With me, you will grow both personally and relationally. Personally, you will live more fully out of your authentic self, cultivate habits to help you flourish and identify barriers getting in the way. You will learn to say “yes” to the things that bring you life.
Relationally, you will improve your communication and build intimacy so fights become conversations which lead to knowing one another more deeply. You will identify the destructive dances in your relationship and learn new ways of being together—so that you laugh and play together again. Don’t assume your current experience is all there is.
Main Areas of Focus
Communication and Conflict
Why, if we understand each other’s words, is communication often so tricky? You think you are being crystal clear and somehow your partner totally misses your point. It could be about the grocery order, this week’s schedule, chore expectations, budget agreements, or any number of other minor (and major) issues.
But when communication breaks down, conflict follows. The arguments can get ugly. Your partner is sharing, and you start to feel your anger and defensiveness building. Maybe it was his tone of voice or the way he talked about your spending habits or the fact that you didn't appreciate what you had done last week for the kids…
Regardless, the castle draw bridge is pulled up and the archers are taking their place on the castle walls—preparing for battle. And quickly, your conversation becomes a battle in which neither person feels know nor heard. Ever been there?
Having been married 17 years and having worked with many couples on their communication, I get it. It is not easy. But I have also helped many couples go from destructive cycles of miscommunication to a deep sense of being known by one another. You can too.
Infidelity can be a stunning shock to any marriage or committed relationship. Intense and confusing emotions surface. The pain and betrayal can be so overwhelming that you might wonder whether the relationship can ever recover. You may wonder whether you want it to continue.
Learning to trust a partner after infidelity is incredibly difficult. Whether the affair was emotional or physical, on-line or in person, affair recovery is a process that does not happen quickly. Safety and boundaries need to be established. Trust needs to be slowly rebuilt.
I have walked with many couples through this process. While it is not an easy journey, I have found that some relationships grow stronger and more initiate through the affair recovery process. I believe that I can help.
The author of Ecclesiastes writes, “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven” (Ecc 3:1). He is talking about life transitions.
Life transitions can be planned or unplanned, exciting, or scary. It can be a new job, marriage, or child. Or it can be prompted by the death of a loved one or other negative life events. Whether the life transition is planned or unplanned, fun, or hard, I have found that life transitions can be times of profound growth.
My role is to help you navigate these life transitions so that you do not get struck, by helping you identify what is going on inside of you so that you can live with a deep sense of joy and integrity. How we navigate these transitions often has large impacts on the rest of our life.
Education & Relevant Experience
I grew up in a divorced home and a blended family. My parents and stepparents did not know how to communicate well. There was infidelity and lots of conflict. If I am honest, it
was a mess. My parents needed help but never got it. And I think that early experience shaped much of why I have such a passion for working with couples.
I attended Claremont McKenna College, studying politics, philosophy, and economics. After college, I joined the Peace Corps and served in Kenya, and then worked for four years with youth and their families as a counselor in Santa Clara County. I later earned a Doctorate in Ministry from Fuller Theological Seminary and a Masters in Psychology from California Southern University. I have spent the last twenty years trying to help individuals, couples, and families flourish mentally, emotionally, and relationally. I love working with couples and look forward to meeting you.
Solution Focused Therapy
Emotion Focused Therapy
Registered AMFT #134113
Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT #53452
Employed by New Path Couples Therapy Inc.
Phone: (831) 869-7160